Dear Diary, I am lost but still participating in spooky season festivities

November 01, 2020

Dear Diary, I am lost but still participating in spooky season festivities

Nothing gets closer to absolutely perfect Halloween inspo than this, iconic

Hello there beautiful human that is taking some precious time out of their day to read this, I appreciate you! So much! Thank you.

I hope my writing can give you some consolation. I was thinking just now that with school, work, training, I hardly have any time to post on here. But then I realized that it might be because I tend to post longer blog posts, with tons of film photo's and a storyline to them.

While I love curating those posts- I think I need a balance of some short and sweet entries as well, for when I don't have enough time to edit every sentence and make the most readable, exciting blog post. Because in reality, my private google docs with all my half-finished writing prompts and random notes is anything but easy to follow.

It's messy and emotional. Kind of like my life right now, like all of our lives right now in the midst of this second wave of Covid. So I'm going to do this new thing where I select a piece I wrote that week (imagine writing not for school but for personal release, wow I really am psychotic) and find an image in my camera roll that I think sets the tone. Voilà, a diary entry! Like when I was seven and used to lock my hardcover purple and pink diary shut in my sock drawer then wear the key around my neck as a necklace, petrified by the fear of someone reading it! I guess things have changed but I still have to force myself to be ~vulnerable on my blog.~

Anyways, enjoy whatever jumble of my brain this entry is :)) also Happy Halloween carve a pumpkin and then say three hail Mary's on my behalf :)) xoxo, the ghost that will haunt you later mwah

Entry 1:

The leaves are changing and I am sad again. I don’t know how to impress you, how to be enough for you. I cannot give much of myself in these trying times. I am just scraping by as it is. I am trying. I swear I am trying. You just have to be gentle and let me take it one day at a time. Blue light glasses and brisk fall breezes, seemingly endless zoom calls, keeping my door shut. I am coping. I am entertaining people I should not be. Why can I not have one day where I lay in bed all day and read.

Entry 2:

And I just sit here in the pocket of my mind. I think about schoolwork. About crawling into my cold sheets at 2 in the morning. About being lonely, about the little human that sits in my brain and is very still and likes a good cup of tea. Who shies away from life’s great dangers, but also life’s great thrills. I think I am that little human these days. With the world closed off it’s all starting to feel so small again.

See, short and sweet :)

Also editors note: I wrote this on Halloween but forgot to post it until now :p

Now for some pics from October-